


TONY STARK SEEN BUYING SNOW CONE FOR LOCAL HOBO

by coconutknightshade



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Humor, Parent Tony Stark, Pepper is so DONE with these boys, Precious Peter Parker, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2020-10-04 23:51:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20479517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coconutknightshade/pseuds/coconutknightshade
Summary: "Wha- Don’t blame me!” He smacks Tony’s shoulder and adds, “You said keep it low-key.”Tony rolls his eyes.“Well congratulations, Underoos. You went so low-key it ended up being high-key. Very high-key.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> One of my Tumblr one-shots! The idea came to me in a fever dream and it was too much fun to pass up. 
> 
> Follow my marvel exclusive Tumblr at [coconutknightshade](https://coconutknightshade.tumblr.com/) for more Irondad & Spiderson content! <3

** _TONY STARK SEEN BUYING SNOW CONE FOR LOCAL HOBO_ **

Tony jumps when the newspaper hits the table, nearly dropping his coffee mug. When Peter sees the headline he automatically reaches for Tony’s wrist to ground himself and looks up to Pepper, jaw dropped and eyes wide with uncertainty. Pepper’s jaw tightens as she slowly lowers herself into the seat across from them. 

“Who wants to go first?” She slides the newspaper towards the both of them, her expression a striking foil to Tony’s amused one. Tony twists in his seat to eye the jittery teen.

“Peter!" 

"Wha- Don’t blame me!” He smacks Tony’s shoulder and adds, “You said keep it low-key.”

Tony rolls his eyes. 

“Well congratulations, Underoos. You went so low-key it ended up being high-key. Very high-key.”

“For two geniuses you’re both dumbasses,” Pepper says in exasperation. “Do you have any idea what this means?”

“Pepper, relax. So the media thinks I bought a hobo a snow cone. That doesn’t exactly scream bad press. If anything it looks like a PR stunt. There’s no way they’ll-”

Pepper interrupts him by slamming down another newspaper she’s pulled from her bag.

** _LOCAL HOBO REVEALED TO BE TEEN FROM QUEENS_ **

Peter let’s out this strangled noise and drops his head onto the table with a muttered, _“I’m screwed.”_

Tony purses his lips and stares down at the headline in contemplation. His eyes flicker between the paper and his fiance for a moment before he taps his nose.

“I can see how this could become a bit of a problem.”

“_Could_ become?” Pepper slams down a third newspaper.

** _PETER PARKER IDENTIFIED AS TONY STARK’S HOBO TEEN_ **

“Okay, before we continue do you have any other newspapers stuffed into that Mary Poppins bag of yours?” She does not look amused or impressed as she levels him A Look™. “Tough crowd. And I thought _I_ was the dramatic one in this relationship.”

“Do I even want to read this one?” Peter whispers as he turns his head to face Tony, cheek still pressed to the table. Pepper cuts in before he has a chance to respond.

“Tony, this isn’t funny. It’s like you weren’t even trying to be careful. I hope they were worth it.” She sounds exhausted and Tony winces. No doubt she’s been trying to reign it all in for hours.

“They really weren’t,” Tony says. “Trust me.”

“Excuse you!” Peter picks his head up off the table, voice colored with offense. “Those are the best snow cones in Queens!" 

"Oh my sweet summer child,” Tony says mournfully, all theatrics as his expression turns sympathetic and he obnoxiously pats the side of Peter’s face who in turn slaps the hand away while rolling his eyes.“So young. So much to learn. We need to take a field trip to Manhattan. Go get your mustache glasses and a hat,” he adds cheekily.

“No!” Pepper cuts in as Peter’s eyes finally fall on the newspaper. He scrambles to snatch it up and bring it closer to his face as if there were a chance he’d misread it. “No leaving. You’re both on house arrest until I get this shit show under control.” She shakes her head reproachfully and stands back up. Before walking away she points a finger at her fiance and gives him a hard look. “I mean it, Tony! Stay put or I’ll put you on a leash." 

She turns on her heel and walks out, completely missing the smirk on Tony’s face as he calls out, "Promise? Make it the leather one!”

Peter shoves his shoulder so hard that he has to grab the side of the table to catch himself. The look on Peter’s face makes it worth it.

“That’s disgusting!” Peter pushes himself to his feet and stalks across the room to dump his glass and plate into the sink.

“Peter Parker,” Tony gasps dramatically. “Are you kink shaming me?”

Peter whines in distress, screwing his face together. “Stop! You’re making it worse! I’ve gotta go wash my ears out with bleach now, thanks." 

Tony can only laugh in response as Peter storms out with his hands pressed to his ears. _This kid_.


	2. Twitter Tells All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter jumps when the newspaper hits the lunch table, nearly dropping his phone into the sorry excuse of mashed potatoes on his tray. He hesitates before slowly looking up and meeting Michelle's gaze. She's got her arms crossed over her chest with an eyebrow raised expectantly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whaaale. I wasn't really planning for this to evolve into anything additional- But turns out I really enjoy writing trashy tabloid headlines and blurbs!!

** _BILLIONAIRE PLAYBOY PHILANTHROPIST BREAKS SILENCE ON FORMER TEEN HOBO, PETER PARKER_ **

Peter jumps when the newspaper hits the lunch table, nearly dropping his phone into the sorry excuse of mashed potatoes on his tray. He hesitates before slowly looking up and meeting Michelle's gaze. She's got her arms crossed over her chest with an eyebrow raised expectantly. 

"I... Can explain?" 

"A hobo, Parker? Really? You could have talked to me. I thought we were friends." Peter releases the breath he didn't realize he'd been holding, and his shoulders relax as Michelle drops into the seat across from him. 

"So," he begins cautiously. "You aren't mad?" 

She gives him a sharp, considering look before picking the paper up and bringing it closer. 

_ "We broke the news early this week that Tony Stark had taken in a stray hobo, later identified as local Queens teenager, Peter Parker. Since then, everyone's favorite playboy has taken to Twitter in order to address the issue." _

Peter's expression darkens. "The playboy narrative is trite. Mister Stark is in a long term relationship with Pepper Potts. They can miss me with that bullshit." 

Michelle rolls her eyes. "Oh no no, we _ all _ know that. But that's not why we're here, is it?" 

His cheeks redden as Michelle glances back down at the paper. By some humorless miracle, Peter hasn't seen the tweets. It makes him nervous.

_ "In the wee hours of the night Tony Stark took to Twitter, writing that- 'You're out here writing about the kid being a hobo when the real news is how big a nerd he is', quickly followed with- 'Peter is the brightest kid I've ever met. He's top of his class and I'm honored to have him as my intern'." _

Peter scrambles to sit straighter, eyes wide as he leans in towards Michelle. "He did _ not _ say that! He called me a nerd? He told the world I was his intern?" Peter clutches at his heart dramatically, eyes to the ceiling as if he may cry. "Tony Stark is a hero- A true icon. And Flash Thompson can suck my-

_"Meanwhile,"_ Michelle interrupts, voice rising to speak over Peter. She's eyeing him with an unimpressed look, but Peter can see the humor in her eyes. _ "Stark Industries CEO and Tony Stark's latest fling, Pepper Potts, also took to Twitter, warning that Peter Parker is, 'absolutely off limits to the press'." _

Peter rolls his eyes. "There's a certain level irony here. The _ press _ reporting that I'm off-"

"I can't believe that you didn't tell me that you knew-"

"I know Michelle, I'm so-"

"Pepper Potts. _ The _ Pepper Potts."

"Wait, what?" 

"Pepper Potts is a feminist icon, Peter. She runs one of the most influential companies in the _ world _. She donates millions year over year to foundations for women in STEM. I would die for her."

"Oh." Peter's brows knit together in confusion, caught off guard by the discovery that Pepper is one of Michelle's idols. "I'm not actually sure what to say here."

Michelle sighs. "You _ say _ that you're sorry and are absolutely going to introduce me to the CEO of Stark Industries." 

Peter nearly falls over himself, grateful that Michelle isn't as mad as he thought she may be. "I can absolutely introduce you to the CEO of Stark Industries. Pepper adores me." He sounds entirely too pleased with himself and it almost breaks Michelle's resolve, just enough to crack a small grin. _ Almost. _

"Is there anything else you'd like to tell me?" Her voice is slow, measured, _ testing _. It has Peter narrowing his eyes at her suspiciously. 

"Why do I feel like this is a setup?

There's a glint in Michelle's eye as she pulls another paper from her backpack and slams it down onto the table. Yeah... She and Pepper will get along spectacularly. Peter swallows hard before cautiously letting his eyes fall to the newspaper. 

_ **PETER PARKER HEIR TO STARK INDUSTRIES? CLOSE SOURCE TELLS ALL** _

"Oh for the love of-"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Tumblr at [coconutknightshade](https://coconutknightshade.tumblr.com/) for more Irondad & Spiderson content! <3 come chat with me!!!


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